Hey dormitory spiced ham,

Sooooo I definitely was avoiding this post. I didn’t wanna be one of those dormspammers. For a while, I wasn’t ready to admit that I’m in this position, especially to several thousand people. But the list of things I’ve lost has grown so long that I need to get over my fears. Without further ado, please let me know if you find any of the things I’ve lost:

  • water bottle, last seen in 10-250
  • t-shirt, last seen on my torso
  • my bike U-lock, last seen on the bike racks next to the stud doors nearest the thinking man. the bike is fine but the lock vanished, how does that even happen
  • my cool
  • apple pencil, probably between W777 and NE349
  • electron. I know its momentum, if that helps
  • the key to my room, my roommate’s key, a lockout key, the other lockout key, maseeh hall master key, all last seen in my room
  • order correct is of words this the that sentence in
  • my openai internship application, i’ve worked at four startups, also i did competitions and stuff, like idk, they should’ve responded by september, my resume must have been lost in transit
  • room 26-100, allegedly last seen in building 26 by someone who attends lecture
  • my nemesis, we were supposed to have our final battle but they dropped out
  • forest, last seen among some trees
  • the password I just created 30 seconds ago
  • prepositions last seen an essay the table my foot your mother’s house
  • sorry I didn’t actually lose anything I was just feeling a little down and wanted someone to think of me
  • my sanity, carried away by some rats into a rubber room
  • internet connection during our league of legends game (oh, we lost that too?)
  • an online argument with a 12 year old (plz lmk if u find either of them)
  • like 40 points on that fucking quiz
  • banana with a heart-shaped spot, left on a table in the banana lounge at 9:18 am, gone when i came back
  • leaf from the garden of eden
  • track of time, last seen yesterday or last saturday or maybe it was a few weeks ago?
  • relationship with my parents, last seen from inside a closet

I’m deeply empathetic for all y’all who lost their things and had to post about it, and I’m remorseful that it took me so long to accept that I’m one of you. Thank you to everyone who in the past few days overcame the intense and very valid shame associated with announcing lost items; you’ve really helped me do so as well.

Sincerely yours, unlike the things I lost, which are mine— Wary “ ” Dude

sent from this iPhone I found in 3-370 on thursday morning
sent very carefully, contains fragile ego
sent away to the temple as a child to train in the arcane arts
sent from my carrier falcon (idk i haven’t seen my pigeon in a few days)

bcc’ed to dorms, I-II-II-Lime for bc-talk